An Open Letter to the Fashion Industry...

On what it's like to be a "socially unacceptable" size.

I've never been a "normal" size. From the time I was in kindergarten, I could tell my body was different from others... And it wasn't just because I was the tallest girl in my grade. I was an extremely chubby child, and I knew it. So did other people... I was five the first time someone called me fat. That was by another five year old. It's funny because you never really think of yourself as a negative adjective until someone else says it.

From that point on, I was worried about my weight. It extremely hard for that kind of emotional stress to weight on an elementary school kid. Then I developed a way to control that stress: eating. What a cruel world we live in. I dealt with my body image by ruining it even more. 

Elementary school to middle school was a nightmare. I didn't know how to dress myself. I had horrible self-esteem problems. I was depressed. My anxiety was horrible. I was eating all the time. And a lot this had to do with the fact that I wasn't a size 2. I really, really didn't like looking at myself in the mirror.

Here's what changed: I discovered fashion. I started reading fashion blogs at the end of eighth grade, and by the time I was in high school, I started feeling better about myself. Excuse my language, but I didn't give a damn what other people thought I looked like. I was dressing the way I wanted to. I was happy.

But here's where you come in fashion industry... I still struggle with my body image. A lot. And there's one reason why. Do you ever find something that so cute and perfect and you have to have it? Then you look for it and it's sold out in your size? Okay, imagine that feeling except the company doesn't even make your size. At all. That's pretty much my life when shopping about half of the time. Especially at those higher end stores. It's really fun finding a dress that only goes up to a size 10/12. Yeah, not. 

I've come to accept that I will never be a size 2, but it's hard to accept your current size when it doesn't seem to exist in some places.

Recently, companies have been expanding their sizes to accommodate smaller women (something I am all for), but if you're catering to one side of the spectrum, you need to cater to the other side too because women don't stop at a size 10 or 12, and neither should clothing. 

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