November Reflections

I am not one of those people who believe your attitude controls your entire situation. I am someone who has suffered from severe anxiety and some pretty bad bouts of depression, including one earlier this year. I definitely believe in getting help if your problems are severe, and I want to be upfront and say I take medicine to help with my anxiety and depression. However, I do believe your attitude plays a significant role in life and situation, just not the only role.

Late fall/winter and I are not friends. Seasonal depression usually hits me around October and doesn't go away until March, and as usual, October was a rough month for me. I felt like midterms went on forever. I never spent a weekend just sitting in my apartment, and I had a never-ending to-do list. Oh, I also hate Halloween, so that didn't help either. I was definitely in a funk by the end of the month.

November wasn't a perfect month, but it was miles better than October. One day I decided that I was doing my best, and that was good enough. Yes, I could have studied more for a test, but it's also okay that I went to sleep at a reasonable hour, or I grabbed dinner with my friends. However, the big change this month was allowing my mistakes to happen but also being willing to learn from those mistakes and make a change. Okay, I didn't do so hot on a test. That's fine!! But I should start studying earlier for the next test I have. 

While I was writing this post, a lot of cliches came to my mind, but I actually really love cliches so #hatersgonnahate. The first that came to mind was "progress is not a straight line." There are moments when you move forward or you don't move at all, and you might even go backward, which is okay! I think there is an expectation that all progress is linear no matter how many times we are told that it is not. We always want to be the exception to the rule and have no setbacks, and we rarely see someone's setbacks unless we are super close to them. We only see the highlights of what another person does, so I feel like when we do something good for ourselves we diminish it because it wasn't as good as something someone else did.

I've decided to rejoice in my small victories instead of saying well, it's only a small accomplishment. Did I wake up and make it to class on time? Did I remember to eat something more than a bag of chips and a poptart? Did I talk to my friends and my mom today? But the most important thing is to celebrate the little things while still moving toward a bigger goal. I got to class on time, but maybe I should try waking up before 11 on a Monday. 

I am definitely excited for November to be over and for December to start. I am going home two weeks from today, and I am so excited to spend a month at home during the holiday season. What I am even more excited about is next semester. I absolutely love the classes I am taking. I have an amazing new position in Theta, and I am doing some really cool work with the College of Communications in the next couple of months.

Here's to another month being over and this year almost being over! Happy studying :)
xx, jKm