Growing Up Is Scary

This is something I have been meaning to write for a while. I was going to sit down and write it in July, but July turned to August which turned into September and all of a sudden I am staring down at the end of the semester and rapidly approaching my final semester of undergrad. It's also not like I haven't written this semester. I have written a lot this semester...just not for my blog. Taking a PR class, a history class, an honors seminar class, and a marketing class with case studies will do that for you. In recent days, I have wanted to write something more personal because I feel like this semester deserves to be documented in some way.

This has been a season of unknowns for me, which I kind of predicted. I haven't felt this uncertain about life since my junior/senior year of high school. In high school, I was uncertain about where I was going to be for most of junior and senior year. I was uncertain if we were moving to Ohio. I didn't fully know where I was going to college. It was scary. Now I am uncertain about where I am going to be in a year again, and it's still scary. I am in the process of applying for graduate school right now. It's hard. Applying to graduate school is infinitely harder than applying to undergrad...or at least compared to applying to Alabama. I feel like with undergrad there was a checklist, and if I marked off all the boxes, I got in. With grad school, there's a checklist, but I have no idea what the checklist says.

I am getting through it though. Slowly but surely.

This semester has also been about a lot of reflection. I think experiencing your "lasts" will do that. My last recruitment. My last homecoming. My last football game in Bryant-Denny. Mostly I've been thinking about the last four years and seeing where I started and where I am now. I don't think I could have predicted I would be in the place I am right now. When I was a freshman, I was so set on a specific path and felt so confident it what I was doing. I keep thinking about how if I had done one thing differently, would I still be where I am right now? Obviously, that's an impossible question to answer. But it's one I tend to ponder on my drives between Atlanta and Tuscaloosa (or any of the other hundreds of miles drives I made in October). What if I had gone to a different school? What if I did this rather than that? What if...what if? Usually these thoughts make me super overwhelmed, and I go back to singing along to whatever Taylor Swift song has come up on my playlist.

All I know is that I am where I am, and I can't change it...but also I don't want to. I am happy right now. I am really stressed right now, but I also incredibly happy because I am sure this is where I am supposed to be in my life. There are SO many unknowns like I said. More than I am typically comfortable with, but I also know that no matter how stressful graduate applications or my classes this semester are I know I am doing the right thing. I actually talked about this in my grad school apps...when I think about working in student affairs, everything makes sense, and honestly, things haven't made sense for a while. I am still scared out of my mind constantly, but I also am so excited for the future. It's a weird feeling...definitely not one I am used to.

While this semester was hard emotionally, it was also really fun. Let's just look at October aka the busiest month of my life. I drove over 1,900 miles. I took four flights. I pomped my last bag of pomps for homecoming. I went to two weddings, celebrated three of my best friends' birthdays, and watched Alabama beat Tennessee for the 13th year in a row. While October easily the best and craziest month, each month was absolutely amazing. I went through my last sorority recruitment. I became a great grandbig. I spent time with the best of friends. This semester has had the highest of highs with lows that weren't the lowest, which I think is all I can ask for really.

I won't promise more writing in the new year. The next six months are going to be absolutely wild, and I feel like I am going to have to schedule in time to breathe. While I can't promise more writing, I can promise some writing. If all else fails, there will definitely be another post come May.

xx, Julianna

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